Hey everyone. For a while now I haven't been looking forward to having lessons with my trainer as much as I used to. Some of the reason is- she sometimes gets very impatient and upset if the horse is not cooperating (like with running out at fences) even though I am trying hard despite my issues with confidence. Her attitude about that was worse at shows in the past from what I remember. It kind of has given me the feeling of "riding on eggshells" before. But I will say that I've seen some instructors who are far worse, just downright mean. And, whenever I go there to just ride the horses and not have a lesson, she acts as if I am having a lesson. Now I know that she is a professional and she knows her stuff, but when I am schooling and not having a lesson, I like to be left alone to "do my thing". For years at home I've ridden on my own and thats how I like it unless I am getting a lesson at the time. But when I'm riding there, unless she is otherwise occupied, she is still telling me and the others what to do. I really don't enjoy going there to just ride anymore and I ride well enough that I don't need someone over me every time I ride. I have a horse at my Mom's place and I love just going out there and riding as I please. I haven't said anything to her about this issue and I don't think it would do much good. I'm seriously thinking about moving on. There is a trainer that I rode with several years ago that I'm considering taking lessons from sometime soon, and I have a horsey friend that takes me and my horse to events. Any feedback would be appreciated. Thanks.
I was in this situation once upon a time and I was miserable for far too long, but I was in my early twenties at the time and was unsure of myself or how to get myself out from under the trainer. Once I finally moved myself and my horses away from that situation, I wondered why I hadn't done it at least a couple of years before! (Now I am more assertive, and would have no problem getting myself away from a place like that).
We pay horse trainers and instructors for a service and if we are unhappy with the service provided, we have every right to take our business elsewhere. Yes, there are worse instructors, but staying with an instructor that has an attitude problem just because you know of some downright mean ones is kind of like saying you stay with your verbally abusive husband because there are men who beat their wives and at least he doesn't do that! (Okay, maybe that's an extreme example, but you get the picture).
This person sounds like kind of a type A personality to me, which is why she can't leave you alone to do your own thing when it isn't your lesson time. It probably drives her nuts to see what she perceives as you "slacking off." She's probably not a bad instructor, just not a good instructor for you. Just like horses need to match our personality, so does our trainer/coach/instructor. I say, take your horses and your business elsewhere and find a trainer that clicks with you better. That's my humble opinion.
I wouldn't want an instructor who got impatient and upset when things aren't going well. I would want the opposite. Life's to short to not be enjoying what you are doing with your horse. There are so many things that can get in the way of your enjoyment of your horse but this is one you can change. I vote with Meezer, do what you feel you want to do. Follow your gut feelings.
Hey Janie, I know what you are going through, I will share my experience and maybe there is something in there you can use. I have worked with at least four different trainers in my life number 1 - was a wonderful person, I learned a little, had a great time and got great experience caring for horses because basically as a person who leased a horse we ran the barn for her, things were kind of winding down for her for personal reasons so the learning to ride part was not great ( at the time I did not realize I wasn't really learning to ride)_ - her business eventually moved to florida after 3 years so I had to move on.
number 2 - very nice lady but talked about her personal problems with me my whole lesson, didn't learn diddly about riding but helped her figure out her problems with her fiancee' - yikes - needless to say that didn't last more than a few lessons.
number 3 - sounds similar to what you are dealing with now - she rode allright, but was honestly a little mean and I don't think she ever really inspired any of her students. She would always be watching and criticizing wether you were in a lesson or not - it was hard because I never felt relaxed enough to just have fun - it was always stressful. She would actually talk about and laugh at trainers who said "good job" or something else positive to their students - she believed it was not her job to pat you on the back it was her job to point out your mistakes ( apparently constantly). I was there about 8 months and only left because it was too far for me to drive - I don't think I really realized I wasn't having fun.
Number 4 - I have been with for 9 years, I have leased two horses from him and now purchased two ( my semi-retired is now one of his school horses part time) and I have to say he is amazing - I trust him completely - I can say I hadn't really learned how to actually ride until I started with him -he is always supportive and honest - when he gives a compliment he means it, it isn't just lip service - he is patient as far as setbacks, fears and confidence issues. He is a man of his word. He knows when he can push for that little bit extra to get you over a hump and he knows when we need to pull back a step or two. I can't say riding or lessons are "fun" every minute - sometimes I am wracked with anxiety so the fun is hard to see, but most of the time after a lesson I feel I have accomplished something and I feel good, and sometimes It feels like I have conquered something huge and I feel amazing. If I am riding around and doing something really wrong or if I am struggling he will offer advice but I have to say it is always welcome. He is an amazing horseman and rider. All in all , I am so thankful I found him.
I guess my point here is this - you should have a relationship with your trainer that feels right and good. You should walk away feeling positive most of the time. If this trainer is ruining your riding experience it doesn't matter if she is a great trainer or and awful one it is not worth your money if you are not happy. What I would do ( and what I did do) is go around before you make any move and watch some different trainers and their lessons and see how you like it. What works for one person does not necessarily work for another. There are probably people out there who love the fact that the trainer is giving advice all of the time - you don't like that and that is her style so it doesn't work. You mentioned going back to a previous trainer - why did you leave that one in the first place? are you in an area that you have some options?
I took some lessons once from a guy (very big reputation) who never missed an opportunity to make snide remarks about my mule being an appaloosa, so of course there was virtually no hope that we would accomplish anything with such a combination.
Contrast his big reputation (and head) with a couple of down-to-earth, cowboy type horsemen (and horsewoman) who really knew their stuff, were compassionate and understanding of my fears, knew when and how hard to push me, and respected mules as the amazing riding animals they truly are, without prejudice of her coloring.
What a difference! All of them were great technically, but the best trainers in the world are those who meet you where you are and take you where you want to be, giving you confidence and renewing your love and joy of riding along the way. Get rid of the others. They aren't worth your time or money. ----------
Dixie Mom
"The art of riding: Keeping a horse between you and the ground!"
Hi Janie, If your instructor is making you not look forward to your lessons then you HAVE to change. I've been really lucky with mine she's an absolute star! :0) When I first moved to the yard, only 1 girl was having lessons with her, and because she was working at quite a high level, I always assumed she was 'just for the more experienced riders'. Then my friend Linda started to have lessons with her (she is also far from being a novice) and when I was struggling with Zack last year she suggested I talk to Alma. I was a nervous wreck, thinking that she would just see a nervous novice rider with an OTTB and who was completely out of her depth and I thought that she would say 'what on earth was I doing with a horse like that and I should get rid of him and get something more suitable' I told her that I had been riding ponies and cobs at a riding school for sometime and that I had ridden as a child as well but now I felt like I couldn't ride at all. She was very nice and said 'well then, we'll have to teach you to ride HIM won't we? ... AND SHE HAS!! Now almost everyone at the yard is having lessons with her, ESPECIALY the nervous ones :0) The only cloud on the horizen at the moment is that she is not in good health and every few weeks has to cancell lessons :0( One girl said a few weeks ago that she had dreamed that Alma was going to retire - I said 'that's not a dream it's a nightmare'!! So Janie, you need to find yourself an Alma or one very like her. you'll look forward to your lessons and progress. Good luck Megan
Horse trainers and riding instructors have perfected their skills working with horses, but most of them haven't taken any classes to prepare them for working with students! It is very difficult to know something well and even more difficult to teach it to someone else. Think of your most difficult and frustrating class in high school; your teacher obviously knew math or whatever subject it was, but he or she could just not get you to perform. IMO,if your current mode of instruction doesn't support your learning goals, then it is perfectly OK to move on and find another teacher.
Thanks everybody. I appreciate all the advice you gave. Yep, I'm gonna' get a move on going somewhere else here soon. One of you asked why I left that one place years back. I left because I quit riding altogether, for about three years. It had nothing to do with the trainer, who I liked a lot.But a few years later my love of riding came back and has been with me ever since. I really don't think I completely lost it in the first place anyway!! There are a lot of trainers around here, and I have a few in mind, but I would like to go back to that trainer for a "tune-up" once in a while!! Some people take lessons here and there from different people, and thats a possibility too. I think I need someone who is not controlling and who gives me space when I'm just riding on my own. I have more confidence and I even ride better when I'm around people who are positive, down to earth, and who don't get an attitude with me over the horse acting like a butthead because it wants too!! I need to be comfortable and relaxed around who I'm riding with and my gosh I've had my fill of run-ins with snobby horse people over the years. Thanks again for your input.
I request that my clients take time to practice with their horses when I am not around, for them to do the activities that they feel safe doing. Some think they want me around every time but I point out that I don't want them to be codependent on me. I want them to gain a confidence that exists even when I am not around. Also, time alone with theit horse allows the two to develop their own relationship and to find out what works for them, what doesn't and what they discover on their own. The goal ultimately is to teach you how to understand the philosophy behind training so that you can begin to trouble shoot on your own. Horsemanship is not a matter of mathematical steps, it is an art. Your trainer should build you up... and not make dread learning by nit picking you.
