Hi there, I am in my mid thirties, married with a lovely husband and three lovely children (2, 6 and 8).
I had a pony when i was seven but was never taken to lessons and had an accident pretty soon after I got her where she bolted and i fell and broke my arm. My Mumk meant well getting me the pony but she was a fiesty experienced pony and my Mum had no experience with horses at all.
Anyway! fast forward many years with a few half hearted attempts at trying to learn to ride, I am now regularly going to a lovely riding school once a week. The instructor is great and i am teamed up with a gentle pony.
Problem is me! I am still very nervous, I am still really scared. I can't decide whether to follow that desire to feel really safe and happy on a pony and commit to the sport, or whether to realise this fear is something i should listen to and get involved in something else....sorry, this is probably a reallt tricky thing for people to comment on!
Last week I managed to trot bareback on her, I was delighted! Then I was asked to ride another pony for a bit and he was a bit stroppier and I felt out of my depth. I felt that fear all over again. Any advice anyone? Thanks in advance!
Well you have landed in the right place - all of us on here have fear and anxiety for some reason or another, and yet we still keep at it - why?? because for me , horses are such a big part of who I am I can't imagine not being involved or riding. I think that fear is a good thing in that it can keep us from doing things that are "over our heads" so to speak. If you feel comfortable and delighted on the horse you are on now go for it and ride that horse/pony - do that until you are absolutely bored and then you will feel comfortable moving on to something else. You have a reason to be nervous, you suffered an injury, take it easy on yourself and take small steps. You are a beginner so you need to start at the beginning and enjoy yourself. You will know when you are ready to ride another horse , if they ask you to ride a horse that you don't feel comfortable with politely decline the offer. It sounds to me that you are having fun and have a desire to do this sport - so give yourself a chance and just stay in your comfort zone. Also, realize that there are some of us here that have been riding a long long time and still have to go back to that comfort zone to regain confidence - that is okay too. Good luck and keep us posted on your adventures.
Hello Trixie, I too have started having lessons again after a break of several years and having had a accident as a teenager. The horses that I have been given to ride are all quiet, but even so after about 16 lessons, I am only now feeling more confident and "almost" looking forward to my lessons beforehand. The first several lessons were spent feeling frightened and almost wanting to get off part way through the lesson. But I persevered and am still doing it.
Like has just been said, it is understandable that you feel afraid after injuring yourself. But if you are learning on a quiet pony, then the risk is much less than if you were given a spirited pony to ride. And a good riding school will pair you with a suitable quiet pony while you are learning. Take your time, go slowly and I am sure that soon your confidence will grow. Here is some advice my horse owning friend gave me "Don't worry about being nervous about riding. Accept that you will be nervous because of what happened. Just go and don't think about it and one day you won't be nervous any more." It was partly because of watching her riding her horse in the field (mane and tail flying out behind them) that I started riding again.
And I must say that I do like the view of a mane and ears in front of me!
Welcome, Trixie. All of us have stories with similar threads - accidents, fear issues, returning to riding decades later only to find that it is a different game for an "older" person than it was as a kid.
If I could give you one piece of advice as you start out, it would be to learn how to project yourself as a leader and to absolutely insist on respectful behaviour from every encounter you have with each and every horse you are with.
Even the most timid of us must learn how to project ourselves as leaders if we are to be safe around and ion top of horses.
Find someone who understands the natural horsemanship concepts and put yourself under their tutelage in this. Learn what body language to use and what NOT to do. In a nutshell, you must never let a horse come into your space uninvited, and you must never let a horse move you out of his way. HE must always move for YOU. In a herd, the one who can move the others is the leader. You can look at a group of horses coming to food and tell in seconds who the leader is. Never let a horse rub on you or shove you around - that is not respectful behavior and he should never think you are to be used as his rubbing post. Rubbing turns to shoving and shoving you around will eventually get you hurt. Lack of space respect will get you stepped on, knocked over, and run over.
Learning how to catch a horse, ask a horse to lower his head for haltering, move his hips over for you, lead respectfully, etc, etc - these are all ways you project your leadership - not from the saddle, but first from the ground. As you gain skill and confidence in this, you will also become more confident in the saddle.
Everything you do with a horse should be from a position of leadership. Black and white. No shades of gray. This is the language they use with each other and this is what they understand and feel safe with. Their survival depends on knowing who their leader is and they will trust and follow that leader as long as the leader continues to show that they are capable. (This may be tested daily - again a survival strategy to be sure the leader can still do their job to take care of them.)
Trixie, many of us have learned this stuff the hard way - after accidents and injuries that leave emotional scars lasting far longer than the physical ones.
Welcome again! It sounds like you are starting off on the right foot.
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Dixie Mom
"The art of riding: Keeping a horse between you and the ground!"
I have to say that Dixie said it. Learn horse behavior, first on the ground. Now this may sound like a weird concept to you. BUT it will help you immesurably. It may be hard to find an instructor that will teach you this. It took me a while. Check out the websites of people like Pat Parelli, Clinton Anderson, Chris Cox, Mark Rashid, John Lyons, Monty Roberts, Tim Hayes, Julie Goodnight, to get an idea of what we are talking about. Poeta, a trainer who posts on here, can also give you an idea of what we mean by learning communication. ON THE GROUND FIRST. Check out her posts and Dixie's, and others too.
Also as Rujetinit said learn to say NO if you are asked to do something or ride a pony you are uncomfortable with. Take it slow, take your time, and all I can say is if your instructor is not comfortable with the concepts of natural training/horse communication, I would look around for another instructor. That is harsh, I know. But it could make a world of difference to you. If you are from the UK, I know Monty Roberts is very popular there. Good luck!
It might be different in USA or even on mainland UK, but here on the Isle of Wight, UK none of the riding schools actively promote any Natural Horsemanship methods of teaching. That is not to say that the local style of English riding is harsh to the horses. Monty Roberts and Pirelli horsemanship programmes are shown on satellite tv though. I have also heard private horse owners discuss Pirelli methods
It is difficult when you are a new rider or returning to riding after a break and have to use a riding school rather than have your own horse or have access to a friend's horse that you can ride. As regards working with horses on the ground to gain confidence, I am lucky enough to have found a horse owning friend who encourages me to visit and do things with her horse. This has improved my confidence with ground work. But Mary-horse is a Thoroughbred and so is not quiet and reliable enough for me to ride as she has a tendency to buck, although she is quiet as a lamb in the stable yard and easy to catch in the field.
At all the riding schools that I have tried here, and there have been 3 now, it is a case of you book a lesson and when you arrive, are introduced to your horse or pony and then are helped into the saddle straight away. Then you start your ride or lesson and progress depending on your confidence and ability. At my present school, which I am actually very happy at, my first lesson was on the lunge rein, walking round, with some trotting towards the end. By half-way through the second lesson I was taken off the lunge, walking 'Jack' round the school independently. Apart from leading the horse back to his/her stable and taking off the tack, I haven't been taught anything else. I learned grooming on friend's private horses.
That is part of the challenge when you are a nervous novice and have to use a riding school to ride. Books and magazines advise to gain confidence, to sit on a horse without moving and maybe then dismount. Or walk around the stable yard for a few minutes and then dismount when you feel uncomfortable. Then try again another day. When you use a riding school you have to book in advance and may start to get nervous a few days before the lesson takes place. Then on the day, you are there on the horse's back for a full half hour or whatever. The instructor will have a plan of how the lesson will progress, even if it is at a slow place. But you certainly start to move straight away.
What I am trying to say is that around here anyway, beginners wouldn't have the option to learn about horse behaviour from the ground before they find themselves in the saddle. If they are having a riding lesson they have just that - a riding lesson.
But to get back to the point, Trixie, it sounds like you are doing very well so far as it is. Trotting bareback indeed! I haven't done that or indeed any bareback work. Personally I would stick with the pony that you have been riding for now until your nerves have lessened. As regards ground work, maybe your school could give you a lesson or two in grooming and other ground work stuff if you made enquiries. It would be worth asking if you are interested.
Wow! I am blown away by your helpful responses, thank you so much for taking the time to do that. Your posts are so interesting and helpful - I really didn't know how important the whole leadership issue is with horses Dixie Mom, I'll keep that well in mind as I haven't been on that page really, more trying to form a friendship with the horse...I definately think you can achieve both though - being the leader and a kind but FIRM rider. Something I will have to work on though, as i am pretty timid when it come to moving her about, doing her feet, brushing around the tail end etc. You have really explained that well, the no shades of grey idea with dealing with horses. And thanks Rujitinit and Plum1, i will take my time and not feel pressured to move too fast. I had a lesson over the wk end and one of the instructors was trying to get my horse to get going by slapping her on the rump...sheesh! That scares the wits out of me...I did tell her and she was a little embaressed and surprised at the same time i think. I was embaressed to have to say something too mind you. Snookie, I feel better knowing you are only just becoming more confident after 16 lessons - just reminds me i need to give it plenty of time. Its a weird thing huh? You feel this fear and all these anxieties yet you go back and try again...what is it about riding horses? maybe it is just the simple things like the view of mane and ears in front of you?! I don't know, i think the ultimte for me would be to feel really confident and in tune and in trust with a pony going out for a day ride that had green open fields, some single track (no steep sides to fall off etc...all pretty easy going land!) and a beach at the end on a Summer day...
Even if you cant find a teacher/stable that will actively show you some natural horsemanship, or how to be the "alpha" of your herd of two as you ride, you can find some great info on the web. Go to any of the websites of the clinicians I mentioned in my above post and you can at least read some stuff - and many have video clips.
I understand Snookie exactly the type of lessons you are talking about cause that is what I was taught originally. I used to use the "prayer"method, lol. I just prayed I stayed on. I have found learning horse behavior/psychology, even if its thru books and dvd's, very very helpful. You can learn alot this way.
Trixie, let me add one more thing for you to think about. Don't try to be your horse's friend. They really don't care about that as much as they do about feeling safe. Believe me, the alpha mare is friend to no one, but they all cry and go nuts when she leaves. It's NOT because she's nice - it's because she keeps them all in line and everyone knows she can keep them safe because she is the boss.
With horses, it's not about being nice so they will like us (That's the girl part of us we never seem to get over.) With horses, it's about being a leader they can respect without question (no shades of gray) and then they will follow you to the ends of the earth.
Having a horse follow you around because you feed treats is a totally different thing than a horse that will follow you because he feels safe and secure with you. There is no bonding with the first scenario - it's just about food. In the second scenario, there is a bond of trust, respect, and comfort that may very well lead to downright affection.
Besides all the other excellent ones already mentioned, I think Gawani Pony Boy has some great videos, too. He addresses the leadership issue very clearly.
So you still need to demonstrate leadership, even if you are on the ground for a very short time. Ask your instructor how to show you how to keep the horse out of your space. Ask how to move your horse's body parts - like a step of the hips over, or moving the shoulders over a step. Remember that whoever can make the other one move is the leader. Ask how to make the horse back up. Ask how to tell the horse to lower his head or tip it toward you. These are the little things you can do in just a minute before you ride that help establish who you are and what your relationship with him will be.
When two horses first meet, there will be nose smelling and then someone will squeal and toss her head. Then they'll do it again. It's kind of like the game of "stare down." They will bicker and fuss until they eventually get it figured out of who is the boss of the relationship. Until that is established, there will be a power struggle, but once it is decided, they will settle down and be buddies. When you ask for some things when you meet a horse - like lowering the head or moving the hips over, or backing out of your space you are doing the same thing. You are saying, "Hi there, Speckles. My name is Trixie, and I'm the boss today." And Speckles says, "Oh good, I'm so glad you made that clear. No argument from me."
Remember - black and white - no shades of gray. Once you ask for something you MUST follow through until you get it. The same principles apply when you ride. Be ready to reinforce every command and cue. Even the best schooled horse will test, even if it is in little ways. He's trying to figure out in his mind just how far he can trust your leadership.
The payoff comes when you are out riding someday and a huge, unexpected monster jumps out from behind the tree. Maybe it is a camel that got loose from the zoo, or 20 motorcycles coming down the road at you. In a partnership of leadership, respect, and trust, built and developed over time, even these kinds of horse-eating monsters can be dealt with safely and calmly. And that's pretty awesome - when a flighty prey animal can make the decision to trust his puny little human to keep him safe. That's where all this is going. ----------
Dixie Mom
"The art of riding: Keeping a horse between you and the ground!"
Just go at your own pace. Make baby steps and do what you feel comfortable to do. Don't let anyone shame you into doing more than you are feeling OK with. At least for now. There will be a time when things are easier, more second nature, a time when you won't have to think about what to do, you will just do it because you know how to and are comfortable doing it. This is your own personal journey. No two journies are alike. If you have a passion for horses and want to be with them, you will find your way. For now why not just ride the pony who you are bonded with ? Set yourself up for success. Riding a Ferrari is not a good idea for a new rider, a Chevy is much easier to learn on and just as good ! Maybe better ! (=
