Today is our last day with our 4 year old little mare that we've had for 2+ years. We've watched her grow from an awkward, uncoordinated, gangling baby to a gorgeous, big butted, sweet, confident lady.
She is still very green, and can be very, VERY animated, although,very brave. I have learned I do not have the body to work her thru the initial stages of her training, and can't afford to pay someone else to do it. So, she is going back to her birth home tomorrow. The owner is a full time professional trainer, and will use her as a lesson horse and do lots of great, fun thing with her. Kids will learn on her and love her and enjoy her, and she'll love that.
Tears are streaming; I had such plans for her and I. It is humbling and depressing and hard to swallow that I just can't do it. My confidence is the biggest obstacle, but the injuries, arthritis and degenerative disc disease in my back is something I can't overcome. Deciding to part with her is one of the hardest things I've ever done, but it is the right thing.
My friend will have another source of income, which can be challenging as a full time trainer, and I'm happy to give her the opportunity. The mare will have lots of work and things to occupy her mind and body, which she needs to be doing, especially at this age, and I'm glad to be able to give that to her. And we will have one less horse, less work, less to support financially, and more time for the two older and health challenged horses I have left.
Our barn will take on an entirely different energy. She is the character down there, the ring leader. She is a love. She is the first to greet us, the one that makes us laugh the most, the one that gets all the horses moving and playing. She turned into the alpha mare, sharing the spot with my gelding that has a hip injury, protecting him and loving him. He will miss her, I'm sure, but, we all know horses live in the now, and he will adjust quickly and accordingly.
I only hope that what goes around comes around, and that doing the right thing will some how come back so that I, one day, find myself with a sound, healthy horse that I can go out and ride safely and have the fun I've been waiting for years to have.
Doing the right thing is often so hard. Life is full of lessons. I know there is one here for me, and I know many of you out there have had to do the same. Opening our hearts to love our horses the way we do also means opening ourselves to the pain of parting with them, whether we like it or not, for the great good.
I had a horse trainer tell me once that choosing to part with a horse that just isn't working out is a lot like getting a divorce; it doesn't mean you don't love the horse with all your heart, but sometimes if the horse is not a good fit for your skill level (in your case, physical limitations) it is best to move on. It is a very difficult decision to make; it takes a strong person. At least you know that your mare will have a wonderful home. However, I think it is perfectly understandable if you grieve for what is lost; after all, this is the end of a relationship with someone you love very much and always will.
Dear JP, It takes so much courage and love to do what you are doing. It is a personal sacrifice and yet a gift for you both. I carry the guilt every day that I have my mare, knowing that I am not doing as I should with her. SHe is kind, loving and talented. Not sure if you have been carrying guilt in relation to your mare, but it is a constant and sad state of affairs to feel down every day. But no one is buying horses here, they give them away right now. I am not sure that I would sell my girl, but due to my own lack of confidence she is losing ground I am sure. I hope that you will hear many wonderful stories about her adventures. Becaue you know with whom she is going, you won't have to lose touch with her and to me, that is the hardest part of parting with one, as i had to do it before a few years back; losing touch and wondering. I hope that with a little less to do you have more time to enjoy your other babies and that their own character makes you laugh and love like crazy to assist you in the transition at your farm. Take care, JP!
Dear JP, I too, have "been there done that". I had to make my first choice when I was about 16 years old. Not because of problems with the horse but I had raised two colts from her and my Dad said: "Make up your mind. You can have two horses. I chose to sell the oldest. She went to a farm about 4 miles from my place and I rode her to her new home. I cried all the way. I had another experience later in life when I chose to sell a horse that I loved. He was a beautiful horse but we did not have a connection because I did not trust him. Time passes and new horses take the place of the ones that we thought we could not live without. I know yours is close at hand.
I'm so sorry, that is so tough. I'm glad that you are able to see the light side of the situation in that the horse is going to a good place where she will get exactly what she needs. And that will open you up to getting a horse that is right for you. It is tough though, my first horse was a huge mistake, green, terrified, too much like me. He broke my heart and left me scared of riding from injuries, but when I saw a girl on him who could really make him strut his stuff, I was happy, that was the last time I saw him, cantering around happily with her aboard and that's what I think of when I get sad that it didn't work out. But it still stings, sorry you have to go through this but it sounds like you made the right choice for both of you. Hang in there!
I too have been there. Worked overtime for 9 months to pay for a pretty, pretty Palomino, who followed me around like a little puppy. Then everything went sour, she developed back problems and I was working a lot and could take the time to develop the confidence and just take the time needed to train her correctly and had to sell her for half of what I paid for her. Cried myself to sleep many nights, but she ended up with a good owner. We've all been there. Time does pass and you will think of her and smile.
Thank you all so very much for your kind and supporting words. The night before she left I cried so hard I ended up with a huge migraine and had to take a sleeping pill to just stop crying and sleep. The next day I loved up on her in the morning, and then, I had to leave. Luckily I had some errands, and my friend came and got her while I was not here. I would've been crushed watching her go. But coming home to my 3 remaining horses happily grazing helped. My gelding was calling for and looking for her, and that was hard to watch, but by the next day the 3 all were in a new groove just munching their way thru the day. I got to hear about her return home on the phone and she was quite animated, but haven't heard anything since. I'll be sending out an email to see how it's going. The energy is quite different, but I have to say, it is SO very laid back, and that's nice. I, too, hope that the days ahead will allow me more time, with more relaxation, and yes, less guilt, and that things progress in a happy manner. And I'm still hoping to find "that" horse that doesn't have soundness issues that I will enjoy riding in the days to come. Your thoughtful words made my day. Thanks for sharing everyone.
